We Live Name To Name

I just had one of those nights. One of those nights that you wouldn't trade for all the money in the world. It's one of those nights that makes you believe everything is going to turn out just fine. It wasn't about being proper or expensive dinner or trying to impress. It was about smiling and laughing and shooting terrorists on video games. It was about awkward jokes and funny timing and weird stares from people walking by. I've had those kinds of nights before. But this was different. Because everyone has friends who are great friends but you know the fun will fade. You know reality will kick in soon enough and they will act weird. This night wasn't like that. This was a calm peacefulness that doesn't usually come with being around most people. Because most people are too stuck in their own ways or too selfish or too something. There are very few people who are so genuine that you don't have to try and read through the layers. You just know who they are and they know who they are. Sure, everyone carries baggage but not everyone tries so hard to hide it or hide behind it or whatever keeps them from being alive. Some people are simply people trying to go through life being people.

That might not make any sense but if you know a person like that then you know what I'm talking about. There's an aura of easiness around them. It doesn't make sense. These people could have complete crap thrown at them their wholes lives but it's about the way they handled it. No one has all the answers. You can't expect anyone to. And some people are better at explaining the answers they have. Some people are just good at being transparent.

I wish everyone were a little bit clearer. Some people think I'm good at reading people. I have no idea if that's true or not. But there's a reason everyone is the way they are. My whole point I guess is that I wish we could all be true people. I wish we could all see each other for who we are. And most of all I wish we could appreciate others. It's when people are able to act this way that reality can seem surreal. And this reality doesn't have to come crashing down. Wouldn't that be nice?

Mice

I never explained my titles. Maybe you understand them. Maybe you don't. I've come to understand that, like my posts, life isn't always about understanding everything. Actually the more I feel like I understand- the less I actually understand and the less stuff works out. But the more I relax and just let life go, the more stuff gets done and everything flows. I've come to discover that knowledge isn't key. I'm not saying be stupid or be nieve. Some people feel like they have to know everything and they have to understand everything because that's what makes them tick. I get that. I'm even like that sometimes (most of the time). But it's horrible because I find myself worrying over why I don't understand what is going on around me or why I can't fit life's pieces together.

Then I realized that I don't have to. I don't have to fit the pieces together. I don't have to understand why and I don't have to worry. I don't think everything is fair. Life isn't fair. But you have to move on anyway. I hate that. I want to get everything. I want to understand why people suck even when I'm really nice to them. I'm a very observant and contentious person. I notice people. I try to help people. Why? Because people are important. And too often, people don't think about other people. We're all too selfish but I think I've gone into that before. But no one wants to notice anything. And no one wants to care.

If someone tells a child that that child is stupid. The child begins to believe this and if that's all they are ever told then they never stop believing that they are stupid. Everyone believes they are something because that is all they are ever told. Sometimes it's important things and sometimes it's just little things. But everything makes an impact. Everything. We seem to have ideals and molds that we feel we have to fit. But it's all untrue. We don't have to be anything we don't want to be. You can create yourself.

I Was Born A Hippie.

There's one thing I've learned recently and it's that I have no idea where my life is going. Some people are born knowing they want to be a vet or an acrobat. Of course we all had dreams- I was going to be a singer and you a firefighter or the president. But some people just know. You get my point though. I just absolutely don't have a clue. Musician, writer, lawyer, engineer? Sometimes I feel like I work so hard only to know what I want for a split second and then it's over and I'm back to nothing. I don't want you to misunderstand though. I don't feel like nothing. I know I'm something and I'm far from insignificant.

I sat at the beach the other night with a friend, eating Taco Bell and watching the waves break in the moonlight and I argued with him about whether or not we are insignificant. He thinks we are but I highly disagree. One person can change the world. Then he said that one person couldn't change the world. We had a long discussion about it though. I told him that he was right- by themselves one person could not change the world but one person could start a revolution. Then he said that there aren't enough people who care. I almost yelled at him for that. They are enough people who care in our generation. It's just that our generation is lazy and they're not enough who care to lead.

The world needs to change though. It's going to the crapper and I'm not just talking about the environment and whatnot. No one bothers to care about other people and no one seems to try to understand anything. We all form opinions without knowing the facts. It's horrible. We all need to think before we speak especially when we know nothing about what we're going to speak. Sometimes I'm amazed at what comes out of people's mouths. I had no clue we are all that dumb. We are the unformed revolution that can change all of this.

Natasha

I hate it when you say something to someone and they do not pay attention at all. Everyone does it but I'm starting to get really annoyed by the lack of response I get from people. Conversations I have usually go something like this...
Me: Hey! What's up?
Them:...
Me: Hello?
Them: Oh hey, nothing, you know.
Me: Yeah... *insert something important or to make conversation*
-awkward pause-
Them: I really like video games.

I think you get the point. It just annoys the crap out of me when I have something important to say and then I tell them and they think really hard and then say something that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. So usually then the conversation takes this turn...
Me: So yeah? What do you think?
Them: What do you mean 'what do I think?'
Me: About what I said.
-awkward pause... that doesn't end-
Me: Yeah... so how's your video game?

I think you know exactly what I'm talking about too. It happens when you tell someone you like them or you ask or tell them something important. It's absurd. It all boils down to not listening to each other anymore. We all have things to say that need to be heard. So why don't the rest of us stop to hear them? Because we are too busy with something else. The world just needs to slow down and take a second. I guess it's true that sometimes we just don't know what to say. But I feel like we don't take each other seriously. I don't mean we need to never laugh and stuff. Joking is different but when people have stuff to talk about and they need someone, shut up and listen.

Oh and another thing... If you are going to say something, please, please do not make it stupid and worthless. That's why people stopped listening to other people in the first place. Say what's on your mind and how you feel- just always think before you say these things. You may get into a lot of trouble saying the first thing you think. I guess there's a lot to say about what you say though, isn't there?

Ninety-nine Red Balloons

I've been thinking for some time and I've created a theory about conformity and non-conformity and whatever you want to say you are. Because I believe this really applies to every single person. Or well we'll get to the theory and the question. So as I pondered I asked myself: who am I? Really though who am I? I could give simple adjectives or nouns that I feel "make-up" me, but I think a much better description of me (and you) comes from the people I hang out with. I feel like I agree with certain parts of everyone and I take those parts and make them who I am. I know this sounds crazy but it's not Invasion of the Body Snatchers or anything. Think about it. Seriously think. The longer you are around your friends, the more you pick up their phrases, walk the way they do, laugh at the things they laugh at. You see this in old married couples; they become so close that they begin to look like each other. That's just a natural fact. We become the people we hang around.

I think it's crazy though. People are all different. But maybe it's the fact that I'm made of different parts of everyone else that makes me different from you. You're different parts of other people. Maybe a part of me and a part of someone else and a part of someone else. I mean we're all made of lots of different people. I think it's also why opposites attract. We all want to be a little different than we are so we pick up on other people's habits and adopt them as our own. That's why we are ever changing. We are ever changing in case you haven't figured that out.

About conformity though... I think I've adopted so many people that I stand out. I've conformed so much that I appear non-conforming. I know this doesn't make sense. I don't really understand it myself. But I look at my friends and family, those who have hurt me and those who I cling to anyway, and I see myself. Little bits of myself in every one of those people. I think if you looked at everyone that's ever been in your life, you'd see little bits of you everywhere too. I'm not totally convinced this is a bad thing though. I've lived my life being told to be yourself and don't conform, but I'm starting to wonder if that's a lie. Because I think everyone is just lots of parts of loads of other people.

So the big question of all questions: Do we adopt parts of other people or are we attracted the similar people? I think you could argue either side of the fence. However, I get along with everyone and find myself to be not too much like anyone and so my opinion is that you become other people more than you attract similar friends. I mean the friends you attract will probably be similar to you in ways but you'll soon find that you're picking the parts of them you wish you were (as they do the same) and try them on to see how you like the way new additions feel.